


done is done

by flurrybird



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Comfort, Death, Family, Friendship, Gen, Grief, especially young death, please be careful if you cannot handle mentions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-16 22:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7287391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flurrybird/pseuds/flurrybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“[<i>I think I made a mistake</i>],” the Marquis said quietly. Alexander trailed off, his smile falling a little at his friend’s tone. Lafayette’s face was expressionless as he gazed down at the parchment in his hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	done is done

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a_mind_at_work](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mind_at_work/gifts).



> hello! this came about as a gift for my wonderful friend Jessie. she writes short ficlets in response to prompts that are given to her via her askbox at [undiscoveredstory.tumblr.com](http://undiscoveredstory.tumblr.com). she wrote one that touched me particularly, it hit very close to home: ["There's blood on your hands."](http://undiscoveredstory.tumblr.com/post/146357365096/lams-5-from-new-list-c), so i wanted to write her something in return.. she gave me the prompt: "how about alexander and lafayette as friends with 'I think I made a mistake.'? :D" and this came out of it somehow
> 
>  
> 
> when french is spoken, [ _it will be written like this_ ] and more recognizable phrases (to english speakers) will be noted in _italics_
> 
>  
> 
> please enjoy! the author is not responsible for any sad feelings or tears that may result from reading this ficlet. thank you.

As he climbed the stairs to the second floor of the temporary Patriot headquarters, Alexander Hamilton pulled at the buckle that secured the strap of his scabbard across his chest. The strap came loose after a moment, and he caught it in his hand. He propped the scabbard against the wall just inside his shared personal quarters, not bothering to close the door behind himself. He had things to attend to before he could relax in solitude.  
He shrugged out of his blue coat and draped it over the back of his desk chair, then tipped his head back and let out a tired sigh. Alexander turned to leave, but not before grabbing the flask of whiskey that he always kept by his workspace (for emergencies). He tucked this into his breast pocket and strolled to the door, pausing in the doorway to allow a very hurried officer to pass, before exiting into the hallway himself.  
The floorboards creaked in protest as he walked to the door at the other end of the hall, the one furthest from the stairs. The door was ajar, lamplight flickering from within. This wasn’t a strange thing, for Alexander knew his friend’s tendency to stay awake into the late hours of the night. They’d spent many late nights together, speaking in hushed French so as to not wake their fellow officers. He knocked on the doorframe and, without waiting for a response, pushed his way inside.  
Lafayette was seated on the edge of his assigned bed, reading an unfolded piece of parchment. Alexander smiled. “Good to see you, _mon amie_! A friend’s face is always a welcome sight after a long day. Were you able to finish the correspondence that the _Ambassadeur_ [ _to Asshole_ ] wanted?” he said, crossing the room to the desk against the wall. Alexander picked up a small stack of unopened letters, skimming over each address uninterestedly before tossing the letters back onto the desk, one by one.  
The Marquis hummed noncommittally in response.  
“Do you need my help again? I do have some reports to finish for the General, but maybe we could squeeze something in after supper. That is, if you don’t have any plans. We are both busy men, especially lately-”  
“[ _I think I made a mistake,_ ]” the Marquis said quietly. Alexander trailed off, his smile falling a little at his friend’s tone. Lafayette’s face was expressionless as he gazed down at the parchment in his hand.  
“What?”  
“... I made a mistake.”  
“What do you mean?” Alexander slowly set down the letters he had been rifling through.  
Lafayette calmly folded his piece of parchment and set it beside himself on the bed. He then placed his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together, bowing his head as if in prayer or shame. Perhaps both.  
“Lafayette, [ _what’s wrong?_ ]”  
The Marquis shook his head slowly. “I never should have left.”  
Alexander waited for him to continue. He glanced at the door, deciding after a moment to walk over and gently pull it closed. It clicked softly into place. He looked back at his friend, one hand still on the doorknob.  
“If I hadn’t come to this [ _goddamned_ ] continent-” Lafayette’s tone was harsh, then became frustrated, as if concealing a great deal of anger. Anger at what, Hamilton did not yet know.  
“I came here, because I believed that the fate of America was tied up with the fate of all of [ _humanity_ ]. I thought [ _that I was doing the right thing. But I have made a terrible mistake_ ].”  
Alexander stayed silent, unsure of how to react to this sudden outpouring of bitter emotion. After a moment, Lafayette raised his head, staring blankly out of the opposite window.  
“My daughter is dead. My daughter is dead and I am here, across the [ _fucking_ ] sea, fighting for a cause that I thought was noble. I had no ambition for myself. I thought that this was the only path for me to take, that it was a good cause.” Lafayette extended a hand and gazed at his empty palm. [ _But now look, look at what this ‘good’ cause has done for me. For my wife, for our children_ ]. My Henriette is dead, and my children have no _père_ to hold them; my wife: no husband to cry with her. [ _This was all a mistake_ ].” The Marquis folded his fingers into a loose fist.  
Alexander opened his mouth, faltered, then said, “I- I’m sorry, that your daughter has ... passed. I can’t say how sorry I am … To lose a child is …” He trailed off. Lafayette looked up at him with the face of a broken man. Alexander had seen that expression before, on the faces of men who had come home to find their properties burning, their children’s charred corpses among the ashes. He’d seen it on the faces of wives and mothers as they watched their husbands and sons swing from the gallows. It had been there on the face of every enemy soldier that had been brought from the battlefield in chains. Now, it was on the face of one of his closest friends, and Alexander never wanted to see it again.  
The young aides-de-camp walked over to his grieving friend and knelt by him, placing an earnest hand on his shoulder. He looked into Lafayette’s eyes, saying, “This was not a mistake, Lafayette. I can’t say whether or not it was the right thing to do, but it is no mistake that you are with us now. [ _With me. We need you here, my dear friend_ ].”  
“[ _My wife needs me. And I am not with her_ ],” he protested.  
“[ _Adrienne knows that you love her. You write it in every letter. She knows you have not abandoned her_ ].”  
Lafayette closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, finally allowing the aching sadness that comes with grief to show itself. Alex felt a little bit of relief.  
“[ _It will be okay_ ],” he reminded his friend, rubbing small, consoling circles into Lafayette’s back. Lafayette didn’t say anything, which Alexander didn’t mind. Sometimes words weren’t enough.  
They sat like this for a while. Alexander eventually moved to sit beside Lafayette on the bed, and Lafayette leaned wordlessly into his side. Alex pulled the flask from his breast pocket and held it out to his friend. Lafayette shook his head. Alex set it aside.  
“[ _Will you stay with me tonight_ ]?” asked the Marquis.  
“[ _Of course, my friend_ ].”

**Author's Note:**

> i am a terrible person that enjoys pain  
> here is jessie!: [undiscoveredstory.tumblr.com](http://undiscoveredstory.tumblr.com)  
> and you can reach me at: [flurrybird.tumblr.com](http://flurrybird.tumblr.com)  
> thank you for any kudos! comments are absolutely appreciated!!!


End file.
